Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Why?

A couple of young men from the local high school were at Burger King yesterday talking about whatever young men talk about. Their particular discussion centered about someone named Megan.  Then the conversation drifted to their homework. By the way, I think this was a private school as Tucson schools are out, me thinks.  Apparently, one of them had drawn the task of writing to the president.
I butted in, "You don't want to do that."
"I don't?"
"Nah, the president is a dullard. Can you write to someone else?"
"I signed up for him."
"Well, send one off somewhere else.  How about  a constable or clerk of the superior court.? They're elected officials."
"If I got an answer? He is the president."
"It'll be an autopen."  
And so, court clerk it was. Unless he changes his mind.

Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Just a suggestion

Saw former President Obama on TV over the weekend.  He was at some event.  Boy, he really turned gray.  Thing is, he's actually about three years younger than I am.  In fact, he's the same age as my little brother.  I'm not gray, at least not when I don't have a beard.  I'm constantly changing my mind and shaving off or growing out my beard, which is gray and ages me a bit.

Simply put, Mr. Obama should shave his head.  Ninety-five percent of all black guys who shave their heads look cool. Most white guys who shave their heads look like the guys who are always seeing flying saucers and are somehow supposed to be related to me. . 

So, shave that gray rubble off, Mr. President.

Sunday, May 28, 2017

Memorials Day

I kind of wonder what genius came up with Memorial Day.  Like, why is a mattress sale supposed to help us remember some fallen and forgotten hero?  I don't have the answer to that.  I still wish Ground Hog Day was a full fledged holiday.  

First expedition, summer

My brother talked me into going along on an expedition out in the forests of eastern Arizona.  So, off we went.  We saw some deer. I got to see a wild turkey.  And, we were amazed to discover there were fish in a stream that we didn't think could possibly be year around.  The fish, we aren't sure what they are. That will require another expedition.  

And the old SUV got a flat tire.  The air pump didn't work.  The can of tire goop was defective.  So we had to go with a donut spare.  Not sure why they call them that.  No bars of service on the old cell phone.  We were out in the sticks.  I guess we could've spent the night and dined on fish stew, but we chose to drive 100 miles on the donut spare to get home.  


Saturday, May 27, 2017

Free Stories

I hope everyone enjoyed the free story   Those are kind of fun to do now and then.  I was hoping to review a few things, but never seem to get those projects finished.  I'll try an review something this weekend.  

I have no personal news to report.  Planning on spending July 4th at Westercon in Phoenix.

Still haven't figured out where my pies went to.  That's all for today.


Friday, May 26, 2017

Thanks, I needed that



Thanks, I Needed That?  A story by David B. Riley


It was a dark and stormy night, except it wasn't really night, more like dusk and the storm had pretty much passed through with just a little remaining wind and some lightning over on Totter Island. I was on duty for the evening shift.  We had all of one reservation at the Millard. .Sounded like a real exciting night.  

Suddenly, a car pulled up to the portico. The door opened and two legs slid out. They went all the way down the the ground.  And the woman they were attached to was absolutely gorgeous. Green eyes that could melt any man’s heart.  And raven hair that was a dark as space itself.  Beam me up.  I’d be spending the rest of my shift making wedding plans.  I wondered if she’d like a massage.

“Porter, Abigail Porter. I have a reservation.”

“I just need a photo ID and a major credit card.”

She handed me both.  A Texan.  We didn’t get many Texans.

“You’re in 108, just down the hall.”

“Could you store this in your safe? She asked. It was a manilla envelope.

“Certainly.” I took the envelope. “Could you write your name on it?”

“That’s not necessary, Mister Campbell. I don’t need it back.”  She started for her car. “Have a nice night.”

“What?” Then I realized. I tore open the envelope.  I was being sued.  She was good. Dang, I'd just been served.  I’d have to add it to the others. No money to pay a lawyer for help.

“When you do this to some poor guy you could at least do him on the hood of your car,” I announced to an empty lobby.

Thursday, May 25, 2017

The pie that never was.

Sometimes, things happen I can't quite figure out.  I went to the store two days ago and bought a pie, amongst other things.  Stores sell pies.  Bakeries do not. We don't have bakeries any more.  Oh, I'm sure there's one filled with mystical delights somewhere on this earth, but I sure never see them.  It's just a department in a grocery store. And that's where my cherry pie came from.  I put it in my cart and wandered around the store in search of other things I didn't really need.  And low and behold, about the time I was going to check out, I noticed my pie was missing.  The milk, and the package of ground beef and the spaghetti saucer were all there, but no such thing as a pie was in my cart. Had someone stolen it?  Can you really steal a pie if it hasn't left the store?  Where had it gone?

I went back over to the bakery section.  I grabbed another cherry pie.  They were on sale for four bucks. How can you go wrong  for four bucks?  And I headed for checkout.  I unloaded my cart on the conveyor belt and the checker rang up my purchase.    The bagger put the stuff in bags and I took it out to my car. When I got home I unloaded.  After putting everything away, I noticed I didn't have a pie.  "How could this be?"  I went out to the car and it was not in my trunk.  It was not to be found. Then I went and checked my receipt, certain the store had stolen my pie.  It wasn't there. I'd taken pies and put them in my cart not once, but twice.  Yet there was no mention of any pie on my receipt. I could not go back to the store and claim they had my pie, or they'd given my pie to another customer. There was no record I'd paid for any pie. 

I didn't have any dessert last night.  That's not such a terrible thing. I often don't eat dessert. But, there was something very depressing about that meal because I couldn't have a slice of pie afterwords.  And I don't know where either pie is.  I hope someone is out there enjoying them.  I guess I'm just a senile crazy old coot who just imagined the pies.  I can't figure where my pies went.  


Wednesday, May 24, 2017

It's garbage

Today is garbage day. The folks come by from the trash company and pick up my can of trash. Then they return a little bit later and pick up my recycling.  In our little gated community most of the residents recycle at least some of their stuff.  we have special recycling cans that are brown, instead of blue, for some reason. Since recycling is included in the price, it's hugely popular.  

Wasn't always that way. Industry didn't want the stuff, save for aluminum cans.  And they wanted you to sort it.  gradually, industry found ways to use recycled materials and curbside no-sort required was much more popular.





One of my first published stories involved the world of garbage.  A trash truck driver becomes obsessed with killing a homeless bum who sleeps in trash dumpsters.  Well, it didn't work out quite like he'd hoped. "I'm not reprinting "Dumpster Man" because there really isn't room for it here.










Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Crunch goes the car

Had a car crash yesterday.  I was momentarily distracted when I started violently sneezing.  I tried to avoid the truck that was stopped in traffic and managed to swerve, save for one inch of my mirror. End result truck unharmed and my mirror will cost $200 to get repaired.  Could've been much worse. 

Sunday, May 21, 2017

Fresh Trees

I've mentioned before that I'm trying to grow some shade trees in my back yard.  When I bought the place last year there was nothing in the back yard but a prickly pear plant.  I've planted four ash trees since then.  The trees have been savaged by relentless wind this past spring. They've also been on the menu for the local mule deer.  In spite of that, they're still alive.  Today I thought I'd try my new drip hose and give them a good watering.  I'm also going to deploy some of those plant spikes and see if they do anything for these poor trees.  

Monday, May 15, 2017

Incarceration

I have a story in a new anthology coming out this week called Incarceration.  My story is called "The Silo" and is about a judicial system that's gone overboard with state security.


Incarceration


The word conjures up images of jail cells, steel bars, guards, chain gangs, prison stripes and more. 

In this anthology seventeen authors tell tales of possible future incarceration methods:

Genetic Engineering to create a new breed of prison guards.

Viral Engineering to create a medically induced coma that can be programmed for a specific length of time.

Prisoners who volunteer to be human Guinea Pigs to receive early releases - if they survive.

A "Fun House" that helps people to move past their prejudices and pre-conceived ideas of others.

These and other forms of imprisonment are available for you to explore - from a safe distance - in these pages. Some are indictments of the system, with those who are not-guilty punished for something they didn't do. Some offer harsh punishments for what seems like only a minor infraction and others explore the human side of imprisonment in unique ways. Join us - we promise you'll be released at the end of each story. 

Featuring stories by: Rebecca McFarland Kyle, David Boop, Melodie Bolt, Dean Anthony Brink, Dawn M Sooy, A. L. Sirois, David B Riley, Lauren C Teffeau, Andrew M Seddon, Cheryl Toner, S. D. Matley, Catrin Sian Rutland, Frank Montellano, Gerry Griffiths, Liam Hogan, Lyn Godfrey, and R. Joseph Maas


Save 25%
Incarceration 
The latest Release from WolfSinger Publications.

To order a print copy please   click here -- use discount code: 9HW5GHYR to save 25% off the cover price.

To order an eBook copy please   click here -- use coupon code: XJ86Gto save 25% off the cover price.
Offer Expires: 05/31/17

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Mom, Mike's eating with his mouth full

My brother and I were close enough in age we had our share of sibling rivalry (3 years). And, being the older brother I could manipulate him fairly easily.  "Mike's talking with  his mouth open" would get him worked up, then he'd figure out "Oh."  Of course, my mother just kind of ignored us.  

And today is Mother's Day.  I went and visited my mother's grave.  I'm not big on graves. As she's buried here in Tucson it's easier than when I lived in Colorado.  That's all I've got today.

Friday, May 12, 2017

If you want something done right

Our family usually goes on a fishing trip about twice a year in the White Mountains of eastern Arizona.  This year, I thought we should go midweek.  But my father turned over reservations duties to my brother for some inexplicable reason. Suddenly we're going over a weekend. it gets crowded over there. And we're staying at an entirely different town because everything was full. Well, this was not what I agreed to and I have decided not to go. Now everyone's mad at me. And I'm still not going. 

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Buy it, baby

I sure wish a million or so people would buy my books today.  That’s just a tiny percentage of the population.  God doesn’t seem to want to tell people to buy my books.  The aliens don’t want to tell people to buy my books.  The mind control people over at the CIA don’t seem to want to make people buy my books.  All in all, it  doesn’t look like any of that nonsense is going to happen.  I’d even be happy if the 200 or so folks reading this blog every day would buy a copy. No money? Ask your library to order one.  They often will.  Thank you and happy reading.

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

The Responders

“Stand down, everybody stand down,” the big man with the assault rifle was saying  as more and more agents poured into the bedroom.  “Back to work, he thought Obama was hiding under his bed again.”

Sunday, May 7, 2017

Best Seller

My publisher is a small operation based in Colorado Springs.  Nonetheless, I note on Wolfsinger Publications website that my science fiction novel, Bonded Agent, was their number one seller last year--in both print and ebooks.

Saturday, May 6, 2017

Stormy Night

It was a stormy night.  Well, it wasn't quite dark, really, thanks to Daylight Savings Time. and it wasn't all that stormy, although the wind was blowing. The serial killer decided not to bother and simply have a sandwich at Wendy's, but he thought about killing people while he was eating it.

I was on a panel once and they had editors say when they'd reject a story.  The other three editors were much quicker than I was.  Maybe that's because I've always edited specialized projects and have never had truly heavy volumes of submissions to wade through. And maybe I'm just more patient and willing to give a story a chance.  Nuff said.




Thursday, May 4, 2017

Service my ass

My cable and Internet went out yesterday. It is so frustrating dealing with these companies. They simply will not help. “I’ll send a a reset signal.”  There was a problem with the Internet cable across the street from me. No reset signal is going to fix that.  My neighbor’s house was not installed correctly and it all sort of unravelled knocking out me and my neighbor.  Once a technician came out it was quickly repaired.  But these companies do not want to send someone out because that costs money.  Damn it, if you’re going to provide this type of service you need to deal with service problems and stop blowing customers off.

Then they call me and survey my opinion on their crappy survey.  Well I was happy with the repair guy. But they didn't ask about the hassles to keep me from getting a repair guy which I had to go through.